31st and Park

If you’ve seen a sci-fi movie in the past 20 years, you...

Tue, 06 Jul 2010 18:35:07 -0400

If you’ve seen a sci-fi movie in the past 20 years, you know a NYC cabbie getting out and running can only mean one thing:

Fucking alien invasion.

It’s been nice blogging for you guys. See you in Humanoid Tribe #2041 next week!

A crime has been committed. Last night at precisely 9:42pm EST, the Chipotle on the corner was...

Thu, 24 Jun 2010 11:30:08 -0400

A crime has been committed.

Last night at precisely 9:42pm EST, the Chipotle on the corner was targeted.

The victim: One bottle of Tabasco sauce.

It was stolen audaciously, in plain view of several customers and staff.

Please join together with your fellow Chipotle enthusiasts to form a “neighborhood watch program” to help deter this kind of activity in the future.

Related: I got a used a bottle of Tabasco sauce last night.

Nope. It was just a taxi dropping somebody off. A gratuity was...

Sat, 19 Jun 2010 01:01:13 -0400

Nope. It was just a taxi dropping somebody off.

A gratuity was calculated. A transaction was made. A car drove away.

We may have something here. There might be a situation.

Sat, 19 Jun 2010 00:59:49 -0400

We may have something here. There might be a situation.

Hey everybody! Welcome to Natureworks! We have balloons and...

Fri, 04 Jun 2010 13:20:54 -0400

Hey everybody! Welcome to Natureworks! We have balloons and signs and we’re here to tell you about our new healthy fast food with free deli oh fuck it nobody cares.

OMG WE HAVE A TRAFFIC JAM HERE. Whew, it’s over. The...

Thu, 03 Jun 2010 13:33:37 -0400

OMG WE HAVE A TRAFFIC JAM HERE.

Whew, it’s over. The light changed.

OH WAIT NOT AGAIN.

Breaking News According to reports from several witnesses, this...

Thu, 03 Jun 2010 10:52:38 -0400

Breaking News

According to reports from several witnesses, this dog shit on the sidewalk this morning. NYPD is on the scene and has formed a perimeter around the affected area. Residents are urged to remain indoors until an all-clear signal has been given.

Check us out in the Local directory! Thanks so much to you guys...

Tue, 01 Jun 2010 16:34:30 -0400

Check us out in the Local directory!

Thanks so much to you guys for recognizing that the best kind of Local is Hyper Hyperlocal!

(Coming soon: Hyper Hyper Hyperlocal! All the news and information you need on my kitchen, direct to you!)

NYPD responding to a call at the COSI on the corner. Or they...

Mon, 31 May 2010 12:59:15 -0400

NYPD responding to a call at the COSI on the corner. Or they wanted some of their delicious bread. Either way, this is news.

This place is never open. As far as I know. But that’s...

Sun, 30 May 2010 13:41:28 -0400

This place is never open. As far as I know. But that’s okay. Anything inside would have to be a letdown.

A man was walking down the street at a moderate pace. He appeared sane. Suddenly, he spotted a piece...

Sun, 30 May 2010 13:20:17 -0400

A man was walking down the street at a moderate pace. He appeared sane. Suddenly, he spotted a piece of trash on the sidewalk, among all the other trash on the sidewalk, that shook him to the core. He wound up to kick it, and while he was summoning all the power in the universe to kick this little paper cup into oblivion, he visualized everything he hated about his life — the job, the ex, the son who didn’t turn out like he had hoped, the weird mole on his forehead, the lack of a proper outlet for expressing his anger — and projected it onto this insignificant piece of garbage before letting loose with enough force and fury to dispose of an entire government-run nuclear waste compound.

His kick thus moved the bent and broken styrofoam cup from the sidewalk onto the street about a foot in from the curb.

He continued walking.

Exclusive review of the pizza place on the corner

Fri, 28 May 2010 18:26:10 -0400

They sell pizza. Ever had pizza? Good, then you know what to expect. If you like pizza, go there. If not, don’t.

Things are quiet here. FOR NOW.

Fri, 28 May 2010 09:54:45 -0400

Things are quiet here. FOR NOW.

I don’t know about the rest of New York, but it’s pretty sunny on this street right now.

Fri, 28 May 2010 09:18:56 -0400

I don’t know about the rest of New York, but it’s pretty sunny on this street right now.

Whoa! Delivery guy on a bike almost hit another delivery guy on a bike. Okay, nothing to see here,...

Thu, 27 May 2010 22:48:00 -0400

Whoa! Delivery guy on a bike almost hit another delivery guy on a bike.

Okay, nothing to see here, people. Move along.

Big news! This minivan was parked on the street today.

Thu, 27 May 2010 19:30:13 -0400

Big news! This minivan was parked on the street today.

Cars are honking. It’s almost musical. Almost.

Thu, 27 May 2010 15:36:32 -0400

Cars are honking. It’s almost musical. Almost.

One of the residents pooped while his bathroom door was open this morning.

Thu, 27 May 2010 09:52:26 -0400

One of the residents pooped while his bathroom door was open this morning.

There’s a FedEx truck on the street. Wait. Now it’s gone.

Wed, 26 May 2010 20:09:22 -0400

There’s a FedEx truck on the street.

Wait.

Now it’s gone.

Some guy just asked another guy for a cigarette on the sidewalk. The other guy said that was his...

Wed, 26 May 2010 10:07:00 -0400

Some guy just asked another guy for a cigarette on the sidewalk. The other guy said that was his last one. He lies.